I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
