I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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