Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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