You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
