wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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