If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
