2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
