Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
