I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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