We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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