It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize