No stitches, just platelets and will power
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
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