I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
