my phone needs a breathalizer
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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