did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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