I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
