dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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