This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize