Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
