At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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