She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
