We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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