My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
