Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
