i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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