i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
