God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
