You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
