and i looked up. we had an audience...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
