Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
do herpes really smell.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize