I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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