I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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