operation harelip BJ is a go
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
