at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
