So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
