you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
