You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
