As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
