Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
