I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize