He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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