this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
