How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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