im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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