My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and she was petting her beer can
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
