I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
