my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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