Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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