i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
