I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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