drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
