it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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