So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
so much tequila, so little girl.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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