Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize