You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
