i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
