3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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