Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
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