So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
