how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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