Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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