I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
