Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
