where am i from again
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Drunk is not a location!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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