i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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