So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
