Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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