I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
